Being in a relationship is great. You find yourself smiling at everything and at everyone. You feel invincible, unstoppable, and incredible. Everything in the world makes sense. It’s perfect.
After any major break-up, both sides need time to heal. It doesn’t matter whose idea it was to break up. Trying to stay friends with someone you had a romantic history with right away isn’t the greatest idea. They could’ve been an amazing boyfriend or girlfriend and an even more amazing friend, but you’ve got to face the facts. You will never go back to the way things used to be.
Facebook is an important component of letting go. If you remain friends with an ex on Facebook, it’s easy to get upset, angry, or jealous because of what you see on their wall.
A study done by Tara Marshal of Brunel University in the U.K. surveyed more than 464 active Facebook users and their habits regarding their emotional recovery of self-growth after a break up. The two main reasons why people use Facebook is to keep in touch with their friends and to casually monitor the activities of others. Up to 33% of people are using Facebook to monitor activities of their former romantic partners.
There was obviously a reason why things didn’t work out. Your feelings changed, their feelings changed, the trust was broken, or you got bored. No matter what the reasoning is, you need time to heal.
When you are in a relationship, you alter whom you are to fit into them. Your different views are merged into one big view together. It’s the whole “us against the world” mentality. You need time to figure out what you really like, what you’re really interested in, and who you really are without their influence. You need to re-discover who you are.
Trying to stay friends with an ex can be a tiring process. You might want them to stay in your life, but the text messages get shorter, the hangouts are being timed, and then you kind of just give up. You have to do what’s best for you. And sometimes that means letting go of all ties.
Let yourself go through the motions. Be in love, get hurt, and don’t “get over things”, get through them. Let yourself feel every bit of happiness and every ounce of pain. Only then will you come out the other side.